Trip

A year ago, about this time, Ken and I were getting to know each other via email. We had reached the point where the idea of meeting in person was suggested and agreed to. However, Ken had to leave for his almost-annual trip to Australia for work so we decided that the meet would occur after he returned.

The trip to Australia is not easy. Ken leaves tonight from San Francisco for Sydney and arrives there 14 hours and 27 minutes later. Budget cuts have him in coach and his requested frequent flier upgrade did not come through. :-(

After a couple hours in Sydney, he'll transfer to a Qantas flight for another 3 hours and 15 minutes to his final destination, again in coach class.

Just imagine his long legs scrunched in an economy seat for a total of almost 18 hours!

Well, we had been emailing almost every day for several weeks when he left last year. Abruptly emails from him stopped. After about a week or two of silence, I complained about it with some co-workers. I was informed that this meant he had dumped me, changed his mind, lost interest, had met another more interesting candidate, and it was over before it began.

I thought I "got" Ken and understood him pretty well. I knew that he was very focused and valued efficiency. Prior to my conversation with others, I had concluded that his thought process was that the email had accomplished its purpose, the next step was set, and that was that.

But doubts crept in.

I tossed and turned one night wondering what was going on. I got up the next day and decided that this state of affairs could not continue. I sent him an email, shared what I'd been told, and informed him that if he had dumped me, he really should just tell me.

Within hours I received a reply, confirming my initial understanding. Why email when we have an in-person meeting planned? Yes, he was looking forward to meeting me. No, that hadn't changed.

Whew! It is so nice to be understood and saves a lot of frustrations and misunderstandings. This was a good omen, I thought. Not only did he still want to meet me, he was thinking exactly like I thought he was. (I didn't necesarily agree with his conclusion, but I understood it.)

This year, I've told him I expect emails on a regular basis while he's gone. He has indicated that he could write one day and tell me it is hot and sunny. He could write the next day and tell me it is sunny and also hot. The next day he can tell me the sun was out and it was hot.

I don't really care what his message says, as long as it includes an "I love you."

I think we have reached a meeting of the minds on this. Knowing how someone thinks AND having the ability to influence their behavior. Now that's a trip!